Pride And Petulance

Being the Chancellor of the Confederation Of Democratic Simulators (CDS) is a lot of work. Those who have taken on its’ mantle should be applauded and thanked.

There is very little recompense in that job. No pay, little expressed gratitude (just the opposite from what I’m told) and at this late date almost no chance of leaving your own imprint upon the CDS.

What that job lacks in pay it makes up for in time (that it demands), what it lacks in gratitude it makes up for in stress and duplicitous BS and dramas that must be waded through or resolved.

I have not been Chancellor, tho I have run a failed campaign. I considered the job for months before taking the plunge and running (initially deciding against it, then reading Rosie’s eloquent post and changing my mind).

The campaign went well, but regardless I lost. Receiving less than a dozen votes I can only look at the results as a statement of no-confidence in both my ability to perform the job, and in my vision of the future …I have to see it as a disagreement with my goals.

In short; what I’m selling the CDS ain’t buyin.

That doesn’t just sting, I’ll be honest kicks like a mule. I had expected Rosie to win and she is the better candidate. Regardless, I am hurt by the lack of support that I received (in terms of votes and otherwise).

As the title says …I am petulant and my pride is bruised…but I’m still standing. This entry isn’t just to bitch and whine, however. I have a more practical reason for it …it’s a note to my future self, a reminder.

We will reach another point in the future (fall 2018 elections? Spring 2019?) where there are no candidates to run for Chancellor …and I’ll be tempted to run. And to do so would be a very, very bad idea.

I am writing this to remind my future self of what I feel now, and to point out that having an office is not the same as having a mandate. If I can only win by running unopposed, that is not a win.

And if I do not have a mandate and genuine support that means the stress and frustration that goes with the job are simply not worth it.

Particularly since I will receive no joy in exchange for taking on that heavy burden. I will leave no mark nor implement any meaningful changes.

I have asked if folks support me, and I have gotten my answer -in the negative.

I have to accept that answer and move forward and either find or create a different avenue to channel my hopes and my ambitions into. On that level, I’ve got nothing coming from the CDS.

I am not leaving the CDS, however. I have paid my tier several months in advance, and I am happily on the Estate management team …and when I’m inworld I will make myself available to help out.

At the same time, I am beginning to lay the groundwork of a project where I will be able tangibly bring about many parts of the platform I ran on. Obviously this will be outside of the context of the CDS’ government (so things such as government hour don’t apply). But other parts of my platform will go forward.

As I lay the groundwork, I am putting out feelers and looking for participants and ideas. I don’t know when we’ll begin (I am giving this 6 months to take shape, tho I expect it’ll be much less) but when we begin …it will be on my property in the CDS.

2 thoughts on “Pride And Petulance”

  1. Han, don’t be too hard on yourself about your ideas for the CDS. I agree with you that we should look to the future of VR with thoughts to the CDS continuing somehow, and I think you are just the person to lead the way.

    My personal VR time has been dedicated to the CDS so I haven’t spent a lot of time investigating other worlds. Also, the ones I have spent time in either haven’t impressed me by their lack of accessibility to people who aren’t professional 3D designers, or I’ve hated their avatars, or they are too primitive in their development for my taste, or I’ve just found them confusing and couldn’t be bothered to forge ahead long enough to understand what is going on. These things are my limitations.

    If and when you think you have a suitable outpost in another VR that you want to share with and encourage the CDS to participate in, please DO share with me, and I hope I can drag myself out of SL long enough to truly appreciate what it may have to offer. I’m sure I wouldn’t be the only one either. I’m glad to hear that you are moving forward with your plans. Show us what you are working on – when there’s something concrete to present to the RA and the community as a whole, let’s do it!

    Don’t be a stranger in SL though – we still need you there!

    1. Rosie -thank you for your kind words and for taking the time to post. 🙂

      I tend to agree with you that the SL platform is the easiest to work with on multiple levels. It also strikes me as the most empowering (esp for folks like me who do not come from any kind of trained background) and democratic (in the sense that it has the lowest barrier to entry…anyone can register and explore content creation by “begin[ing] with a cube”). I returned to Sinewave Space last night and I have to admit to being pretty overwhelmed. I’m trying to keep an open mind but I’ll just say that my thoughts are pretty close to what you’ve expressed. At the same time it’s wide open, and doing a little virtual-democracy proselyting might have a positive effect on it’s culture in the long run.

      I feel that a lot of decisions that are being made in other platforms right now are things we (who will end up using them) will have to live with for many years to come, so I’m holding my nose (about ugly and complexity) and trying to figure it out.

      I have the outlines and need to fill in the details, but what I’m working on will definitely include SL, and when it is up and running I will be happy to make a presentation to the RA. I will be holding at least half of the planning meetings in NFS and the door will be open to anyone from the CDS who wants to sit in and either participate or just listen.

      I don’t think I’ll be changing a lot of my SL habits -especially as I go through the long slog of learning Space (the unity editor…omg! 😦 ). I’ll be around the CDS and helping out as needed. So I’ll be around and I don’t think I’ll be much stranger than normal 🙂

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