Flashbacks and resignations

Last night I completely flipped my shit.


It goes back to July, 2010.

I’d been back in SL for 8 months and was starting to find my groove. I had looked up my 2005 “trial account”s name and, after a phone call, got the account reactivated.The inventory was empty but -strangely enough, the profile was still the same. Including picks.

I had a pick saved for my home spot, so I went there. Funadama region; 238, 32.

The people who moved in there after I left had turned it into a garden/gallery combo. I fell in love with it and for something close to ten months I would go there any time I was stressed out and needed peace and relaxation.

Then, in July 2011:


It was gone, wiped out. As if it never had existed.

I was gutted, and kicking myself for feeling gutted over something as “stupid” as a “video game”.

I’m lucky that I met and befriended the woman who bought the region and rented my old parcel from her; I am still there to this day.

But the pain from losing that attachment -right or wrong, has never quite left me. I have recreated the Funadama region (circa 2007) multiple, multiple times in Opensim.

Fast forward to 2017. In the CDS a woman spear-headed the creation of a museum dedicated to the history of the CDS and realized the costs were too much, and then entrusted me with it’s maintance and safe keeping.

For several months, jeez, I think close to a year now? I’ve been paying for that museum.

And then last night this greeted me when I teleported to the CDS Museum:


Everything that belonged to my predecessor -including exhibits, was gone.

No warning, out of the blue. Something happened to suddenly make me untrust-worthy. Or something. That personal component I think will stay with me. I had been told I would take care of it well, then suddenly I can’t be trusted and everything is gone in the dead of night.

I feel betrayed.

I feel a profound sense of loss.

And as you may have deduced by now, I don’t handle loss well.



In response I posted a profanity-laced notice to the CDS group and transferred everything relating to the Museum to Sudane, who will be taking care of it going forward.

I’m in a very strange place, mentally and emotionally. It was wrong of me to post the flamage, but I’m not sorry.

Alasi Stonebender has pointed out that someone who can’t refrain from sending out profanity-laced dramatic group notices has no place being chancellor. That’s a fair and valid point. I completely agree.

At the same time, I am unable to promise that under the same circumstances I won’t have the same reaction. Just the opposite, in fact. I flipped out over the Rathaus, I flipped out over the museum …when things I care  about go sideways, I lose my shit.

I’m 51 years old; I don’t anticipate that changing.

I’m going to wait until noon Saturday SLT before I make it official, but I honestly don’t expect to change my mind. I intend on withdrawing my name for chancellor of the CDS.

I’m going to finish out this term, however. But I intended on being very low-key; slinking in like a right-click-take-object in the night as it were. Handling only late notices and event payments.

After this term, I’m done.

I don’t have the temperament.

I don’t have the patience.

And apart from a couple moments, it’s mostly been an unfulfilling drag.

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Published by: hanheld

I'm a virtual world resident; I build, blog and play with server software (these days, largely opensim).